post heartbreak
hello there, I thought I should update a lil on this space by adding some positivity in my posts.
i am happy.
genuinely happy.
Clearly nobody visits my blog anymore so I guess it's safe to say I can finally say to myself that I am happy. Contented.
I came to realise that in order to enjoy life to the fullest, you need to start appreciating things such as I get to sleep in my warm bed, I get to wear whatever I want, I got a roof over my head.
I feel that for the past 6 months in 2017, I have been too self absorbed, selfish, ignorant and unappreciative.
I feel like it's about time I should really start considering other people's feelings and be a better friend.
Mid year resolution of 2017: Be a better friend.
Hope it isn't too late.
Let's be positive, it's never too late! ^_^
NTS: And to those who chose to leave, I'm just sorry you couldn't stay during the worst.
But I won't be welcoming you back when I'm better, that's for sure.
x
dancing with the devil
just showing some self love tonight because it is probably one of the rare saturday nights at home and resting.
Never a person good with words, but I feel that I should make a mental note to try and blog once in a while to keep my sanity in check.
Am I truly happy?
It feels like I'm marching towards my impending doom clouded by my very own rainbows and sunshine. The past half a year has been a huge struggle.
I was constantly caught in between getting what you want and if it's yours, it's yours.
From aggressive to passive aggressive.
Why do I feel like this do me more harm than good?
I'm envious of people who just seem so happy in their relationships or at least being able to smile together with their loved ones. But why do I feel like this. I don't think I am suppose to be feeling like this but I can't help it.
I have constantly been trying to make up excuses for myself for him. But why does everything right now feels so forced and unreal. It's like we are going against mother nature to make something happen.
Am I a fool?
Or is it just me being delusional that we will work out...
Still hoping for that one day that I can actually feel the warmth radiating from his smile
when he sees me.
your. name.
I have been on my bed since 8 pm last night and time check now is Sunday, 2:32pm. I was on my bed for a good 18 hours. No I haven't showered or eaten or drank any water.
Have you ever felt so numb over something that you just start tearing when you stare into blank space, with nothing running through your mind. You try to read something online to distract yourself but you end up tearing again. You try to sleep but his last words kept echoing through your ears.
Surely something went wrong when I was born, how do I end up falling head over heels for someone so complicated, someone who doesn't at least show that he care, someone who just seem to get to call the shots on whoever gets to stay in his life. I don't regret knowing him but if I had the choice, I won't ever want to know him from the beginning.
Last year, this period was so different, the pain I felt last year was nothing more than physical pain.
Last year, I used to believe everything that is being said to me, I do, but now I learn to not believe in everything anymore, and then when I should have, I didn't too.
Now all I can feel are the numbness from thinking about what could have been, about how I tried so hard to understand him but in the end he was just an open book, I just overthought his intentions.
and it's funny, because I know that if he asked for one more chance, I'll still give it to him with no hesitation. I'm so stupid. Always.
But hey, if Japan could numb away the sadness maybe I should just venture out more. maybe That could help me forget your name.
hmmmmm
I've always believed that when people want something badly enough, they would go the extra mile for it. (no matter what) Be it being there for a person, when you like someone enough, etc etc.
Which brings me to the next thing - missing someone in your life.
I guess in a way it is good that when we miss someone, we subconsciously remember all the good parts of the person in our life, forgetting the bad. I guess that's why time is a good remedy for forgiveness because people tend to end up forgetting the bad and be reminded of the good.
Anyway, I don't usually update this platform... but I just feel the need of letting out my emotions since the only person I kind of turn to is (kind of) no longer a part of my life - I get sad sometimes when I think about it, but I know what I needed to do in order to move on to something else, not necessarily someone but I could put my focus on something that reaps better fruits for myself.
Maybe I'm just tired of putting everyone close to me in my life before me. Sometimes I thought of being selfish and just not be there for anyone, just focus on my own life, my future. But I just cannot bring myself to do it. I don't know how everyone around me seem to be able to do that and yet I can't.
Why did I cause myself THIS amount of misery?
Probably because I experienced what it was like to feel broken and unwanted which makes me fall for the ones who are broken or complicated because I want them to know that they're not alone, that they can be happy. But then again, you can't save people who don't want to be saved, we'd only end up falling into the endless pit ourselves with them.
save yourself cheryl
Play
I haven't been blogging for a while due to my hectic schedule. but I feel the need to do it today so I shall do it.
I haven't been feeling the best lately, I have to admit that being alone can be awfully hard but definitely much much better than being with someone you know you can't feel anything for.
But hey, as time goes by, I learned to do things on my own, make decisions for myself and spend quality time with myself too. I guess it has been pretty fruitful for now.
Something happened recently that made me feel better about myself. So like basically there was this guy that i dated in like beginning of 2016(?) and we parted our ways cause we know we can't start something w another person in mind. At certain points of my life in 2016, I regretted my decision - letting him or letting myself leave. But I moved on from that and found someone new.
He came back this year and it's weird because I used to secretly hope for him to be back, but hanging out with him just didn't make me feel what I thought I should felt.
He didn't change one bit, I mean I'm still the same old me but it just didn't felt right. It felt exactly like last year - safe. But I know that wasn't what I want anymore. I know I'm not exactly making sense but safe more of like I know I will have a future with him. but that's not me, I don't like to know what the future will turn out for me. I like to carve out my own future with my own hands even if it means feeling uncertainty but at least I know I'll have no regrets.
Anyway, back to the story.
It's sad because all these while I thought he would be good for me, his positivity, his everything. He was what I needed. But it's just different. He may fit the bill of the perfect bf list but if your heart feels something else, it'll never be something that makes you feel happy, makes you feel alive. Maybe it was good that I became single in the end and he came back, because now I have the long lingering qns in my head finally answered - I found out that it wasn't love/like.
I'm sorry if I hurt anyone along the way, but I guess that's how you find things out. You try, to learn. So for now, I think it is best to revert back to the alone me. The one who doesn't feel the need to account to any one BUT myself. I am held responsible for my very own actions. I used to thought I can't do it. All my friends were like betting I'll get someone new in a week. HAHA but hey guess what? I didn't for a whole month. And I am happy I didn't and won't till probably longer. Because it isnt fair to anyone next coming along to love me when I can never feel the same about them.
Maybe I will one day, but not anytime soon.
6453
I've been reading a lot of random articles on thought catalog* which made me feel compelled to blog and jot down my raging emotions and thoughts.
*Special thanks to my friend Terence who kept brainwashing me with the "how to get over a person" article!
-
I've always felt that the reasons which can make someone want to leave you are usually selfish.
Selfish in a way, they put themselves first, they may claim that they want you to be "happy" without them, but at the end of the day they leave you to search for their own happiness.
To keep it simple, they couldn't find the happiness that they wanted with you.
So whatever the reason is, it'll all end up revolving around themselves.
"I'm tired"
"I can't do this anymore"
"This isn't working out for me"
(I mean I am also guilty of doing the above, like even up to now I still do tend to be selfish)
I mean, if you are actually happy with someone, why would you even choose to leave mirite?
So if you are just doing something because of yourself,
Stop saying that "I am doing it for her" or "It's the best for her"
or "I don't want to waste her time on me".
JUST SAY THAT HE/SHE ISN'T WHAT YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR.
You don't even need to say that I want someone else. Just say he/she just isn't the one.
Because by showing your "considerate" side to someone, It is just going to send all the wrong signals.
Example:
A: "I don't want you to waste your time on me"
B: "But you're worth my time."
So if you just want to give him/her up, just say it explicitly, don't ever sugarcoat your words when it comes to making a closure in relationships/friendships, it's just unnecessary and gives all the wrong signs to the other party. Be considerate and just let him/her know you're just done.
-
phew ok i'm done. Thank you for reading thus far. Good night! Have a happy new year.
To anyone who actually still reads my blog :')
arduous
hello cheryl,
Please stop making your own life any more arduous or difficult.
Let's try and make it easier for yourself and for the sake of the coming year.
So get over it.
There's a thin line between determination and desperation.
Don't cross that line.
Focus on your current priorities.
Remember?
what's yours will eventually be yours
what isn't, never will be.
x
fighting flames
"hey cupid, have better aiming skills next time"
I keep forgetting what happens when you play with fire - you get burnt and you get hurt in the end.
How do one feel so much in such a short period of time?
You can't just stir up my senses and leave.
You may call me an idiot or just me being foolish for getting my heart broken.
But I know one thing's for sure, I'd die with no regrets because I gave my best shot.
-
I lost sight of all the good in other boys because all I could see was you.
-
But thank you.
I genuinely hope that you will find someone important enough for you to give one day
and you will eventually find the joy in giving through her.
ok, brb now I gotta learn how to kill feelings :c
fireworks
hello reader(s), to whoever who reads my blog actually, I didn't think anyone would till I saw the stats of this blog. haha ok I know I linked it on my twitter account bio but I'm just surprise that anyone would read it. (or the stats could just be me clicking on the link myself to proof read ._. )
I just got back from Zoukout last night and it was pretty good towards the end. Plus my friends and I decided to just have a can of beer to survive the night. Moreover, I'm not a huge fan of drinking to get drunk. Don't like the idea of getting intoxicated at a "music festival" sort of.
Anyway it was pretty hectic cause we ended up losing mel and joining Jingyu w his model agency's friends but they were all really nice!! And I finally saw fireworks up close and personal which was amazing! I think that was pretty much the highlight of my night *u*
PIXELATED AF HHA
on the side note, I plan to be alone for a long while like not be with anyone or be reliant to anyone, I want to know more about myself, and learn to love myself for this upcoming 2017.
#newyearresolution
Thank you to every living person who managed to trespassed my life aka personal territory, you all had left a memorable mark in my heart in 2016. Regardless of good or bad.
20 more days to 2017 and I just can't wait!
exceptions
Another one of those word vomit.
I've come to realise that certain things in life you don't have to have an answer, and sometimes it is just best to leave things as it is, any more questions might just turn the whole situation sour.
With 2016 coming to an end, I've learned that when people want to do something for you, want to tell you something, to be there for you, they would because they will make a conscious effort to. Their "want" drives them to do it. As simple as that.
When you give yourself reasons to not complete a certain task or to not do a certain act, you know you don't really enjoy doing it.
And the same goes to people and relationships, you like someone enough to sacrifice your time, sacrifice your effort without expecting returns and you willingly take a gamble.
You'd be willing to. Trust me.
But the moment you start to question and reason out with yourself on "why am I doing this?" "I can't afford to take another risk" and that's when you know you just didn't like him/her that much.
And that's ok because cliché as it sounds, Love comes knocking on your door when you least expect it to arrive. :-)
Happy Saturdaaaaay wew.
would things be different if i knew you first?
right person wrong time
but if it's the right person, it'll be the right time.
"Falling in love the first time is easy. But giving it away to someone again, after the first heartbreak, is something that requires a conscious decision. It takes a lot of courage and it requires you to trust the person. Before love comes trust. You know what it is like to be crushed and smashed and ground into an interminable oblivion. You trust that this person, as you place your trembling heart in her hand, will handle it with the utmost care and delicacy. That she’ll hold it both tightly and gently at the same time—she won’t let you fall and she won’t hurt you. That she understands the profundity of the exchange that is taking place. " true
Why do you have to go and lock me out when I let you in
(30/11)
Everything has been falling apart in my life lately and it kinda sucks when people tend to just disregard my feelings despite knowing it. But all's well. I guess people have problems of their own to handle and wouldn't want to be too involved in mine. I understand.
on the side note:
Let's talk about something happy -
1. I went on an online shopping frenzy and got myself like five items from tobi just because it was black friday. (I didn't really put that into my savings plan for this month so um there goes my budget) But it's okay, I am happy with my loots. Just give them to me in two weeks time please, Tobi.
2. I love Christmas, and yes it is coming in like 26 days?? I love love love Christmas, I think I just said that the second time but yeah, just want to emphasize on how much I LOVE IT. And can't wait to get all 'em gifts for my family, dearest friends and loved ones. :-) I can truly understand the joy of giving. It's just so blissful to see people opening up their gifts from you and thanking you profusely. I think that's one of the beauties(?) of this festive season.
3. The end of november marks another month done for internship which means I'm ending intern in about 3 months time. That's something to celebrate :-)
4. I think I'm falling in love. That warm fuzzy feeling I felt a year back is back. I don't know if this is something to be happy about but hey oh wells :-)
I'll follow you home
And they tell you that you're lucky.
But you're so confused,
Cause you don't feel pretty, you just feel used.
(14/11)
12 more days to pay day and that means I have been working for 2 months now.
After pay day that would represent another 30 days to Xmas and I love Christmas!
And after Christmas, another 17 more days to end of internship and hello to the holidays ^_^
There will always be people you forget to remember and people that you have to remember to forget.
Self reminder: You do not need toxic people in your life.
"When I met you, everything started to change. Your eyes started to become my favorite color and the smell on your shirt made me feel safe and your arms became my home."
- short poems I found on tumblr that are relatable
Alteration
When did one begin and the other end?
"you have so much light, the flowers grow towards you"
No one can ever alter someone's character/mindset.
You may attempt to influence them but at the end of the day the decision lies on them.
So there is no point trying so hard to change a person, let them live their life and you live yours.
What is yours will eventually become yours.
What isn't, no matter how much the effort/hard work put in, will never be yours.
People like to think that they understand, but they don't.
I hate it when people expect so much from me even when I stated from the beginning - I don't want them to expect anything.
Stop being so fixated on yourself.
update on 2016
I can't believe I'm back on my personal space for a word vomit.
Reading old posts, I think I knew more about love in 2015.
But hey, I managed to learn and understand so much more about myself, so I can't complain.
ALSO:
I *cringe* at my long hair with bangs.
What went through my mind when I decided to cut bangs with long dead straight hair?!?
I'm better with a shorter set of hair definitely.
2016 is ending in what? three months?
2016 has been some roller coaster ride for me,
IT WENT BY SO FAST I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE RIDE WAS ENDING? omg
A couple of things I've learned:
1. Don't display your emotions upfront
2. Trust no one but yourself
3. It is okay to have dreams. Be bold with your aspirations
4. Boys are unnecessary.
5. Discard anything that weighs you down or anything that prevents you from chasing your dreams.
6. Yes, You can *disable* comments in real life . Just don't take it to heart.
7. The level of your friendship with someone isn't measured by the number of meet ups you have.
8. Sometimes you have to let things go, to see if they are truly yours. What is yours will come back to you.
9. Smile more
Okay, pretty fruitful 2016 so far.
Let's keep the list going.
word vomit
I feel late night thoughts can be quite dark and scary sometimes. hmm, most of the time.
The thought of how my future might turn out - scares me.
I don't want to be working a 9 - 5 job that I hate. I don't want to remain at a spot and not ever changing. I want to be constantly changing, I don't want a mundane life. I want a life that I am proud of.
I want to be able to share amazing stories about my life. Not being bitter and miserable about it. Not complaining about how mundane it is or how it is a constant like how it is right now.
It scares me to think about how high the possibility is, that I would be just be a nobody, my life would be so uninteresting, how I will just be living such an ordinary life. Such thoughts are dark and scary to me. What can I do.
rose
My rose wilted after two days... Placed it next to my windows and I gave it water and sunshine.
I guess this shows how sometimes your effort = your desired results.
but hey, when one door closes another opens right?
post heartbreak
hello there, I thought I should update a lil on this space by adding some positivity in my posts.
i am happy.
genuinely happy.
Clearly nobody visits my blog anymore so I guess it's safe to say I can finally say to myself that I am happy. Contented.
I came to realise that in order to enjoy life to the fullest, you need to start appreciating things such as I get to sleep in my warm bed, I get to wear whatever I want, I got a roof over my head.
I feel that for the past 6 months in 2017, I have been too self absorbed, selfish, ignorant and unappreciative.
I feel like it's about time I should really start considering other people's feelings and be a better friend.
Mid year resolution of 2017: Be a better friend.
Hope it isn't too late.
Let's be positive, it's never too late! ^_^
NTS: And to those who chose to leave, I'm just sorry you couldn't stay during the worst.
But I won't be welcoming you back when I'm better, that's for sure.
x
dancing with the devil
just showing some self love tonight because it is probably one of the rare saturday nights at home and resting.
Never a person good with words, but I feel that I should make a mental note to try and blog once in a while to keep my sanity in check.
Am I truly happy?
It feels like I'm marching towards my impending doom clouded by my very own rainbows and sunshine. The past half a year has been a huge struggle.
I was constantly caught in between getting what you want and if it's yours, it's yours.
From aggressive to passive aggressive.
Why do I feel like this do me more harm than good?
I'm envious of people who just seem so happy in their relationships or at least being able to smile together with their loved ones. But why do I feel like this. I don't think I am suppose to be feeling like this but I can't help it.
I have constantly been trying to make up excuses for myself for him. But why does everything right now feels so forced and unreal. It's like we are going against mother nature to make something happen.
Am I a fool?
Or is it just me being delusional that we will work out...
Still hoping for that one day that I can actually feel the warmth radiating from his smile
when he sees me.
your. name.
I have been on my bed since 8 pm last night and time check now is Sunday, 2:32pm. I was on my bed for a good 18 hours. No I haven't showered or eaten or drank any water.
Have you ever felt so numb over something that you just start tearing when you stare into blank space, with nothing running through your mind. You try to read something online to distract yourself but you end up tearing again. You try to sleep but his last words kept echoing through your ears.
Surely something went wrong when I was born, how do I end up falling head over heels for someone so complicated, someone who doesn't at least show that he care, someone who just seem to get to call the shots on whoever gets to stay in his life. I don't regret knowing him but if I had the choice, I won't ever want to know him from the beginning.
Last year, this period was so different, the pain I felt last year was nothing more than physical pain.
Last year, I used to believe everything that is being said to me, I do, but now I learn to not believe in everything anymore, and then when I should have, I didn't too.
Now all I can feel are the numbness from thinking about what could have been, about how I tried so hard to understand him but in the end he was just an open book, I just overthought his intentions.
and it's funny, because I know that if he asked for one more chance, I'll still give it to him with no hesitation. I'm so stupid. Always.
But hey, if Japan could numb away the sadness maybe I should just venture out more. maybe That could help me forget your name.
hmmmmm
I've always believed that when people want something badly enough, they would go the extra mile for it. (no matter what) Be it being there for a person, when you like someone enough, etc etc.
Which brings me to the next thing - missing someone in your life.
I guess in a way it is good that when we miss someone, we subconsciously remember all the good parts of the person in our life, forgetting the bad. I guess that's why time is a good remedy for forgiveness because people tend to end up forgetting the bad and be reminded of the good.
Anyway, I don't usually update this platform... but I just feel the need of letting out my emotions since the only person I kind of turn to is (kind of) no longer a part of my life - I get sad sometimes when I think about it, but I know what I needed to do in order to move on to something else, not necessarily someone but I could put my focus on something that reaps better fruits for myself.
Maybe I'm just tired of putting everyone close to me in my life before me. Sometimes I thought of being selfish and just not be there for anyone, just focus on my own life, my future. But I just cannot bring myself to do it. I don't know how everyone around me seem to be able to do that and yet I can't.
Why did I cause myself THIS amount of misery?
Probably because I experienced what it was like to feel broken and unwanted which makes me fall for the ones who are broken or complicated because I want them to know that they're not alone, that they can be happy. But then again, you can't save people who don't want to be saved, we'd only end up falling into the endless pit ourselves with them.
save yourself cheryl
Play
I haven't been blogging for a while due to my hectic schedule. but I feel the need to do it today so I shall do it.
I haven't been feeling the best lately, I have to admit that being alone can be awfully hard but definitely much much better than being with someone you know you can't feel anything for.
But hey, as time goes by, I learned to do things on my own, make decisions for myself and spend quality time with myself too. I guess it has been pretty fruitful for now.
Something happened recently that made me feel better about myself. So like basically there was this guy that i dated in like beginning of 2016(?) and we parted our ways cause we know we can't start something w another person in mind. At certain points of my life in 2016, I regretted my decision - letting him or letting myself leave. But I moved on from that and found someone new.
He came back this year and it's weird because I used to secretly hope for him to be back, but hanging out with him just didn't make me feel what I thought I should felt.
He didn't change one bit, I mean I'm still the same old me but it just didn't felt right. It felt exactly like last year - safe. But I know that wasn't what I want anymore. I know I'm not exactly making sense but safe more of like I know I will have a future with him. but that's not me, I don't like to know what the future will turn out for me. I like to carve out my own future with my own hands even if it means feeling uncertainty but at least I know I'll have no regrets.
Anyway, back to the story.
It's sad because all these while I thought he would be good for me, his positivity, his everything. He was what I needed. But it's just different. He may fit the bill of the perfect bf list but if your heart feels something else, it'll never be something that makes you feel happy, makes you feel alive. Maybe it was good that I became single in the end and he came back, because now I have the long lingering qns in my head finally answered - I found out that it wasn't love/like.
I'm sorry if I hurt anyone along the way, but I guess that's how you find things out. You try, to learn. So for now, I think it is best to revert back to the alone me. The one who doesn't feel the need to account to any one BUT myself. I am held responsible for my very own actions. I used to thought I can't do it. All my friends were like betting I'll get someone new in a week. HAHA but hey guess what? I didn't for a whole month. And I am happy I didn't and won't till probably longer. Because it isnt fair to anyone next coming along to love me when I can never feel the same about them.
Maybe I will one day, but not anytime soon.
6453
I've been reading a lot of random articles on thought catalog* which made me feel compelled to blog and jot down my raging emotions and thoughts.
*Special thanks to my friend Terence who kept brainwashing me with the "how to get over a person" article!
-
I've always felt that the reasons which can make someone want to leave you are usually selfish.
Selfish in a way, they put themselves first, they may claim that they want you to be "happy" without them, but at the end of the day they leave you to search for their own happiness.
To keep it simple, they couldn't find the happiness that they wanted with you.
So whatever the reason is, it'll all end up revolving around themselves.
"I'm tired"
"I can't do this anymore"
"This isn't working out for me"
(I mean I am also guilty of doing the above, like even up to now I still do tend to be selfish)
I mean, if you are actually happy with someone, why would you even choose to leave mirite?
So if you are just doing something because of yourself,
Stop saying that "I am doing it for her" or "It's the best for her"
or "I don't want to waste her time on me".
JUST SAY THAT HE/SHE ISN'T WHAT YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR.
You don't even need to say that I want someone else. Just say he/she just isn't the one.
Because by showing your "considerate" side to someone, It is just going to send all the wrong signals.
Example:
A: "I don't want you to waste your time on me"
B: "But you're worth my time."
So if you just want to give him/her up, just say it explicitly, don't ever sugarcoat your words when it comes to making a closure in relationships/friendships, it's just unnecessary and gives all the wrong signs to the other party. Be considerate and just let him/her know you're just done.
-
phew ok i'm done. Thank you for reading thus far. Good night! Have a happy new year.
To anyone who actually still reads my blog :')
arduous
hello cheryl,
Please stop making your own life any more arduous or difficult.
Let's try and make it easier for yourself and for the sake of the coming year.
So get over it.
There's a thin line between determination and desperation.
Don't cross that line.
Focus on your current priorities.
Remember?
what's yours will eventually be yours
what isn't, never will be.
x
fighting flames
"hey cupid, have better aiming skills next time"
I keep forgetting what happens when you play with fire - you get burnt and you get hurt in the end.
How do one feel so much in such a short period of time?
You can't just stir up my senses and leave.
You may call me an idiot or just me being foolish for getting my heart broken.
But I know one thing's for sure, I'd die with no regrets because I gave my best shot.
-
I lost sight of all the good in other boys because all I could see was you.
-
But thank you.
I genuinely hope that you will find someone important enough for you to give one day
and you will eventually find the joy in giving through her.
ok, brb now I gotta learn how to kill feelings :c
fireworks
hello reader(s), to whoever who reads my blog actually, I didn't think anyone would till I saw the stats of this blog. haha ok I know I linked it on my twitter account bio but I'm just surprise that anyone would read it. (or the stats could just be me clicking on the link myself to proof read ._. )
I just got back from Zoukout last night and it was pretty good towards the end. Plus my friends and I decided to just have a can of beer to survive the night. Moreover, I'm not a huge fan of drinking to get drunk. Don't like the idea of getting intoxicated at a "music festival" sort of.
Anyway it was pretty hectic cause we ended up losing mel and joining Jingyu w his model agency's friends but they were all really nice!! And I finally saw fireworks up close and personal which was amazing! I think that was pretty much the highlight of my night *u*
PIXELATED AF HHA
on the side note, I plan to be alone for a long while like not be with anyone or be reliant to anyone, I want to know more about myself, and learn to love myself for this upcoming 2017.
#newyearresolution
Thank you to every living person who managed to trespassed my life aka personal territory, you all had left a memorable mark in my heart in 2016. Regardless of good or bad.
20 more days to 2017 and I just can't wait!
exceptions
Another one of those word vomit.
I've come to realise that certain things in life you don't have to have an answer, and sometimes it is just best to leave things as it is, any more questions might just turn the whole situation sour.
With 2016 coming to an end, I've learned that when people want to do something for you, want to tell you something, to be there for you, they would because they will make a conscious effort to. Their "want" drives them to do it. As simple as that.
When you give yourself reasons to not complete a certain task or to not do a certain act, you know you don't really enjoy doing it.
And the same goes to people and relationships, you like someone enough to sacrifice your time, sacrifice your effort without expecting returns and you willingly take a gamble.
You'd be willing to. Trust me.
But the moment you start to question and reason out with yourself on "why am I doing this?" "I can't afford to take another risk" and that's when you know you just didn't like him/her that much.
And that's ok because cliché as it sounds, Love comes knocking on your door when you least expect it to arrive. :-)
Happy Saturdaaaaay wew.
would things be different if i knew you first?
right person wrong time
but if it's the right person, it'll be the right time.
"Falling in love the first time is easy. But giving it away to someone again, after the first heartbreak, is something that requires a conscious decision. It takes a lot of courage and it requires you to trust the person. Before love comes trust. You know what it is like to be crushed and smashed and ground into an interminable oblivion. You trust that this person, as you place your trembling heart in her hand, will handle it with the utmost care and delicacy. That she’ll hold it both tightly and gently at the same time—she won’t let you fall and she won’t hurt you. That she understands the profundity of the exchange that is taking place. " true
Why do you have to go and lock me out when I let you in
(30/11)
Everything has been falling apart in my life lately and it kinda sucks when people tend to just disregard my feelings despite knowing it. But all's well. I guess people have problems of their own to handle and wouldn't want to be too involved in mine. I understand.
on the side note:
Let's talk about something happy -
1. I went on an online shopping frenzy and got myself like five items from tobi just because it was black friday. (I didn't really put that into my savings plan for this month so um there goes my budget) But it's okay, I am happy with my loots. Just give them to me in two weeks time please, Tobi.
2. I love Christmas, and yes it is coming in like 26 days?? I love love love Christmas, I think I just said that the second time but yeah, just want to emphasize on how much I LOVE IT. And can't wait to get all 'em gifts for my family, dearest friends and loved ones. :-) I can truly understand the joy of giving. It's just so blissful to see people opening up their gifts from you and thanking you profusely. I think that's one of the beauties(?) of this festive season.
3. The end of november marks another month done for internship which means I'm ending intern in about 3 months time. That's something to celebrate :-)
4. I think I'm falling in love. That warm fuzzy feeling I felt a year back is back. I don't know if this is something to be happy about but hey oh wells :-)
I'll follow you home
And they tell you that you're lucky.
But you're so confused,
Cause you don't feel pretty, you just feel used.
(14/11)
12 more days to pay day and that means I have been working for 2 months now.
After pay day that would represent another 30 days to Xmas and I love Christmas!
And after Christmas, another 17 more days to end of internship and hello to the holidays ^_^
There will always be people you forget to remember and people that you have to remember to forget.
Self reminder: You do not need toxic people in your life.
"When I met you, everything started to change. Your eyes started to become my favorite color and the smell on your shirt made me feel safe and your arms became my home."
- short poems I found on tumblr that are relatable
Alteration
When did one begin and the other end?
"you have so much light, the flowers grow towards you"
No one can ever alter someone's character/mindset.
You may attempt to influence them but at the end of the day the decision lies on them.
So there is no point trying so hard to change a person, let them live their life and you live yours.
What is yours will eventually become yours.
What isn't, no matter how much the effort/hard work put in, will never be yours.
People like to think that they understand, but they don't.
I hate it when people expect so much from me even when I stated from the beginning - I don't want them to expect anything.
Stop being so fixated on yourself.
update on 2016
I can't believe I'm back on my personal space for a word vomit.
Reading old posts, I think I knew more about love in 2015.
But hey, I managed to learn and understand so much more about myself, so I can't complain.
ALSO:
I *cringe* at my long hair with bangs.
What went through my mind when I decided to cut bangs with long dead straight hair?!?
I'm better with a shorter set of hair definitely.
2016 is ending in what? three months?
2016 has been some roller coaster ride for me,
IT WENT BY SO FAST I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE RIDE WAS ENDING? omg
A couple of things I've learned:
1. Don't display your emotions upfront
2. Trust no one but yourself
3. It is okay to have dreams. Be bold with your aspirations
4. Boys are unnecessary.
5. Discard anything that weighs you down or anything that prevents you from chasing your dreams.
6. Yes, You can *disable* comments in real life . Just don't take it to heart.
7. The level of your friendship with someone isn't measured by the number of meet ups you have.
8. Sometimes you have to let things go, to see if they are truly yours. What is yours will come back to you.
9. Smile more
Okay, pretty fruitful 2016 so far.
Let's keep the list going.
word vomit
I feel late night thoughts can be quite dark and scary sometimes. hmm, most of the time.
The thought of how my future might turn out - scares me.
I don't want to be working a 9 - 5 job that I hate. I don't want to remain at a spot and not ever changing. I want to be constantly changing, I don't want a mundane life. I want a life that I am proud of.
I want to be able to share amazing stories about my life. Not being bitter and miserable about it. Not complaining about how mundane it is or how it is a constant like how it is right now.
It scares me to think about how high the possibility is, that I would be just be a nobody, my life would be so uninteresting, how I will just be living such an ordinary life. Such thoughts are dark and scary to me. What can I do.
rose
My rose wilted after two days... Placed it next to my windows and I gave it water and sunshine.
I guess this shows how sometimes your effort = your desired results.
but hey, when one door closes another opens right?
Cherrypie
love the ocean breeze 
Instagram: @cherryypieeee
love japan 
Some facts about me :
^u^