I haven't been feeling the best lately, I have to admit that being alone can be awfully hard but definitely much much better than being with someone you know you can't feel anything for. 

But hey, as time goes by, I learned to do things on my own, make decisions for myself and spend quality time with myself too. I guess it has been pretty fruitful for now. 

Something happened recently that made me feel better about myself. So like basically there was this guy that i dated in like beginning of 2016(?) and we parted our ways cause we know we can't start something w another person in mind. At certain points of my life in 2016, I regretted my decision - letting him or letting myself leave. But I moved on from that and found someone new. 

He came back this year and it's weird because I used to secretly hope for him to be back, but hanging out with him just didn't make me feel what I thought I should felt. 

He didn't change one bit, I mean I'm still the same old me but it just didn't felt right. It felt exactly like last year - safe. But I know that wasn't what I want anymore.  I know I'm not exactly making sense but safe more of like I know I will have a future with him. but that's not me, I don't like to know what the future will turn out for me. I like to carve out my own future with my own hands even if it means feeling uncertainty but at least I know I'll have no regrets.

Anyway, back to the story. 

It's sad because all these while I thought he would be good for me, his positivity, his everything. He was what I needed. But it's just different. He may fit the bill of the perfect bf list but if your heart feels something else, it'll never be something that makes you feel happy, makes you feel alive. Maybe it was good that I became single in the end and he came back, because now I have the long lingering qns in my head finally answered - I found out that it wasn't love/like. 

I'm sorry if I hurt anyone along the way, but I guess that's how you find things out. You try, to learn. So for now, I think it is best to revert back to the alone me. The one who doesn't feel the need to account to any one BUT myself. I am held responsible for my very own actions. I used to thought I can't do it. All my friends were like betting I'll get someone new in a week. HAHA but hey guess what? I didn't for a whole month. And I am happy I didn't and won't till probably longer. Because it isnt fair to anyone next coming along to love me when I can never feel the same about them. 

Maybe I will one day, but not anytime soon. 

I haven't been feeling the best lately, I have to admit that being alone can be awfully hard but definitely much much better than being with someone you know you can't feel anything for. 

But hey, as time goes by, I learned to do things on my own, make decisions for myself and spend quality time with myself too. I guess it has been pretty fruitful for now. 

Something happened recently that made me feel better about myself. So like basically there was this guy that i dated in like beginning of 2016(?) and we parted our ways cause we know we can't start something w another person in mind. At certain points of my life in 2016, I regretted my decision - letting him or letting myself leave. But I moved on from that and found someone new. 

He came back this year and it's weird because I used to secretly hope for him to be back, but hanging out with him just didn't make me feel what I thought I should felt. 

He didn't change one bit, I mean I'm still the same old me but it just didn't felt right. It felt exactly like last year - safe. But I know that wasn't what I want anymore.  I know I'm not exactly making sense but safe more of like I know I will have a future with him. but that's not me, I don't like to know what the future will turn out for me. I like to carve out my own future with my own hands even if it means feeling uncertainty but at least I know I'll have no regrets.

Anyway, back to the story. 

It's sad because all these while I thought he would be good for me, his positivity, his everything. He was what I needed. But it's just different. He may fit the bill of the perfect bf list but if your heart feels something else, it'll never be something that makes you feel happy, makes you feel alive. Maybe it was good that I became single in the end and he came back, because now I have the long lingering qns in my head finally answered - I found out that it wasn't love/like. 

I'm sorry if I hurt anyone along the way, but I guess that's how you find things out. You try, to learn. So for now, I think it is best to revert back to the alone me. The one who doesn't feel the need to account to any one BUT myself. I am held responsible for my very own actions. I used to thought I can't do it. All my friends were like betting I'll get someone new in a week. HAHA but hey guess what? I didn't for a whole month. And I am happy I didn't and won't till probably longer. Because it isnt fair to anyone next coming along to love me when I can never feel the same about them. 

Maybe I will one day, but not anytime soon.