your. name.
I have been on my bed since 8 pm last night and time check now is Sunday, 2:32pm. I was on my bed for a good 18 hours. No I haven't showered or eaten or drank any water.
Have you ever felt so numb over something that you just start tearing when you stare into blank space, with nothing running through your mind. You try to read something online to distract yourself but you end up tearing again. You try to sleep but his last words kept echoing through your ears.
Surely something went wrong when I was born, how do I end up falling head over heels for someone so complicated, someone who doesn't at least show that he care, someone who just seem to get to call the shots on whoever gets to stay in his life. I don't regret knowing him but if I had the choice, I won't ever want to know him from the beginning.
Last year, this period was so different, the pain I felt last year was nothing more than physical pain.
Last year, I used to believe everything that is being said to me, I do, but now I learn to not believe in everything anymore, and then when I should have, I didn't too.
Now all I can feel are the numbness from thinking about what could have been, about how I tried so hard to understand him but in the end he was just an open book, I just overthought his intentions.
and it's funny, because I know that if he asked for one more chance, I'll still give it to him with no hesitation. I'm so stupid. Always.
But hey, if Japan could numb away the sadness maybe I should just venture out more. maybe That could help me forget your name.
hmmmmm
I've always believed that when people want something badly enough, they would go the extra mile for it. (no matter what) Be it being there for a person, when you like someone enough, etc etc.
Which brings me to the next thing - missing someone in your life.
I guess in a way it is good that when we miss someone, we subconsciously remember all the good parts of the person in our life, forgetting the bad. I guess that's why time is a good remedy for forgiveness because people tend to end up forgetting the bad and be reminded of the good.
Anyway, I don't usually update this platform... but I just feel the need of letting out my emotions since the only person I kind of turn to is (kind of) no longer a part of my life - I get sad sometimes when I think about it, but I know what I needed to do in order to move on to something else, not necessarily someone but I could put my focus on something that reaps better fruits for myself.
Maybe I'm just tired of putting everyone close to me in my life before me. Sometimes I thought of being selfish and just not be there for anyone, just focus on my own life, my future. But I just cannot bring myself to do it. I don't know how everyone around me seem to be able to do that and yet I can't.
Why did I cause myself THIS amount of misery?
Probably because I experienced what it was like to feel broken and unwanted which makes me fall for the ones who are broken or complicated because I want them to know that they're not alone, that they can be happy. But then again, you can't save people who don't want to be saved, we'd only end up falling into the endless pit ourselves with them.
save yourself cheryl
Play
I haven't been blogging for a while due to my hectic schedule. but I feel the need to do it today so I shall do it.
I haven't been feeling the best lately, I have to admit that being alone can be awfully hard but definitely much much better than being with someone you know you can't feel anything for.
But hey, as time goes by, I learned to do things on my own, make decisions for myself and spend quality time with myself too. I guess it has been pretty fruitful for now.
Something happened recently that made me feel better about myself. So like basically there was this guy that i dated in like beginning of 2016(?) and we parted our ways cause we know we can't start something w another person in mind. At certain points of my life in 2016, I regretted my decision - letting him or letting myself leave. But I moved on from that and found someone new.
He came back this year and it's weird because I used to secretly hope for him to be back, but hanging out with him just didn't make me feel what I thought I should felt.
He didn't change one bit, I mean I'm still the same old me but it just didn't felt right. It felt exactly like last year - safe. But I know that wasn't what I want anymore. I know I'm not exactly making sense but safe more of like I know I will have a future with him. but that's not me, I don't like to know what the future will turn out for me. I like to carve out my own future with my own hands even if it means feeling uncertainty but at least I know I'll have no regrets.
Anyway, back to the story.
It's sad because all these while I thought he would be good for me, his positivity, his everything. He was what I needed. But it's just different. He may fit the bill of the perfect bf list but if your heart feels something else, it'll never be something that makes you feel happy, makes you feel alive. Maybe it was good that I became single in the end and he came back, because now I have the long lingering qns in my head finally answered - I found out that it wasn't love/like.
I'm sorry if I hurt anyone along the way, but I guess that's how you find things out. You try, to learn. So for now, I think it is best to revert back to the alone me. The one who doesn't feel the need to account to any one BUT myself. I am held responsible for my very own actions. I used to thought I can't do it. All my friends were like betting I'll get someone new in a week. HAHA but hey guess what? I didn't for a whole month. And I am happy I didn't and won't till probably longer. Because it isnt fair to anyone next coming along to love me when I can never feel the same about them.
Maybe I will one day, but not anytime soon.
your. name.
I have been on my bed since 8 pm last night and time check now is Sunday, 2:32pm. I was on my bed for a good 18 hours. No I haven't showered or eaten or drank any water.
Have you ever felt so numb over something that you just start tearing when you stare into blank space, with nothing running through your mind. You try to read something online to distract yourself but you end up tearing again. You try to sleep but his last words kept echoing through your ears.
Surely something went wrong when I was born, how do I end up falling head over heels for someone so complicated, someone who doesn't at least show that he care, someone who just seem to get to call the shots on whoever gets to stay in his life. I don't regret knowing him but if I had the choice, I won't ever want to know him from the beginning.
Last year, this period was so different, the pain I felt last year was nothing more than physical pain.
Last year, I used to believe everything that is being said to me, I do, but now I learn to not believe in everything anymore, and then when I should have, I didn't too.
Now all I can feel are the numbness from thinking about what could have been, about how I tried so hard to understand him but in the end he was just an open book, I just overthought his intentions.
and it's funny, because I know that if he asked for one more chance, I'll still give it to him with no hesitation. I'm so stupid. Always.
But hey, if Japan could numb away the sadness maybe I should just venture out more. maybe That could help me forget your name.
hmmmmm
I've always believed that when people want something badly enough, they would go the extra mile for it. (no matter what) Be it being there for a person, when you like someone enough, etc etc.
Which brings me to the next thing - missing someone in your life.
I guess in a way it is good that when we miss someone, we subconsciously remember all the good parts of the person in our life, forgetting the bad. I guess that's why time is a good remedy for forgiveness because people tend to end up forgetting the bad and be reminded of the good.
Anyway, I don't usually update this platform... but I just feel the need of letting out my emotions since the only person I kind of turn to is (kind of) no longer a part of my life - I get sad sometimes when I think about it, but I know what I needed to do in order to move on to something else, not necessarily someone but I could put my focus on something that reaps better fruits for myself.
Maybe I'm just tired of putting everyone close to me in my life before me. Sometimes I thought of being selfish and just not be there for anyone, just focus on my own life, my future. But I just cannot bring myself to do it. I don't know how everyone around me seem to be able to do that and yet I can't.
Why did I cause myself THIS amount of misery?
Probably because I experienced what it was like to feel broken and unwanted which makes me fall for the ones who are broken or complicated because I want them to know that they're not alone, that they can be happy. But then again, you can't save people who don't want to be saved, we'd only end up falling into the endless pit ourselves with them.
save yourself cheryl
Play
I haven't been blogging for a while due to my hectic schedule. but I feel the need to do it today so I shall do it.
I haven't been feeling the best lately, I have to admit that being alone can be awfully hard but definitely much much better than being with someone you know you can't feel anything for.
But hey, as time goes by, I learned to do things on my own, make decisions for myself and spend quality time with myself too. I guess it has been pretty fruitful for now.
Something happened recently that made me feel better about myself. So like basically there was this guy that i dated in like beginning of 2016(?) and we parted our ways cause we know we can't start something w another person in mind. At certain points of my life in 2016, I regretted my decision - letting him or letting myself leave. But I moved on from that and found someone new.
He came back this year and it's weird because I used to secretly hope for him to be back, but hanging out with him just didn't make me feel what I thought I should felt.
He didn't change one bit, I mean I'm still the same old me but it just didn't felt right. It felt exactly like last year - safe. But I know that wasn't what I want anymore. I know I'm not exactly making sense but safe more of like I know I will have a future with him. but that's not me, I don't like to know what the future will turn out for me. I like to carve out my own future with my own hands even if it means feeling uncertainty but at least I know I'll have no regrets.
Anyway, back to the story.
It's sad because all these while I thought he would be good for me, his positivity, his everything. He was what I needed. But it's just different. He may fit the bill of the perfect bf list but if your heart feels something else, it'll never be something that makes you feel happy, makes you feel alive. Maybe it was good that I became single in the end and he came back, because now I have the long lingering qns in my head finally answered - I found out that it wasn't love/like.
I'm sorry if I hurt anyone along the way, but I guess that's how you find things out. You try, to learn. So for now, I think it is best to revert back to the alone me. The one who doesn't feel the need to account to any one BUT myself. I am held responsible for my very own actions. I used to thought I can't do it. All my friends were like betting I'll get someone new in a week. HAHA but hey guess what? I didn't for a whole month. And I am happy I didn't and won't till probably longer. Because it isnt fair to anyone next coming along to love me when I can never feel the same about them.
Maybe I will one day, but not anytime soon.
Cherrypie
love the ocean breeze 
Instagram: @cherryypieeee
love japan 
Some facts about me :
^u^